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bristling response is to savor it when it happens to you Savoring a sensation in this way is often
called sensate focus Focus on extending the feeling and pass your hand over the gooseflesh
to heighten the sensation Like all positive feelings and emotions every time you get
goosebumps relish the feeling and prepare yourself to welcome its return
Concluding Activity Awaken to the Pleasure in Your Body
Scientists recognize multiple painkilling substances that are produced naturally within the
body endorphins enkephalins endocannabinoids endogenous morphine and others Each
are being released more or less all the time They have powerful analgesic effects blocking
the communication of pain signals If you pay careful attention you can feel their effects
Too often we look for the pain Instead look for the pleasure
There is bliss to be found in everything you do Every breath every heartbeat every quiver of
every muscle holds a small amount of gratification You can magnify these pleasures just by
paying attention to them Most people know to look for the pleasure after they use alcohol
They ask themselves Wait just had a drink am supposed to feel euphoric where is that
feeling in my body Oh there it is That same feeling is constantly being generated within us
all the time just at a smaller scale All we need to do is sensitize ourselves to it Im still not
good at it yet but believe we can all build this skill As often as you can remain open to
and delight in the sensations involved in your bodys natural production of pleasure
wish had a more reliable method of activating and strengthening the pleasure response
because believe it is very positive But can report that the frisson response is much more
frequent in my life since have been using the Program Peace exercises believe that the
improvements that antirigidity has made to my posture played a large role As your confidence
increases your charisma will start to give you goosebumps
You Have Everything It Takes to Be Charismatic
want you to develop charisma in the same way that you developed your dancing abilities in
the section above In other words practice it under relaxed conditions hitting all the beats
without stopping Assert your opinions in front of others with conviction and panache
and keep them rolling at a sustainable pace This will unshackle you from all the bracing
patterns that typically bar you from doing it fluidly
To master charisma you need to indulge in a little showmanship You can never be the life
of the party until you start trying Hazard risks with a takecharge demeanor Be fully present
when speaking to people Give them your full attention and expect theirs Dont try too hard
to impress people Instead focus on impressing yourself Let your style and positivity make
them want to impress you Think of your social abilities as inexhaustible Imagine that they
replenish infinitely
When you deliver a line or story and you feel like it fell flat dont let that get you down
Often listeners just dont know what to say in response Dont let their silence take away your
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
momentum If you keep hitting them with smooth deliveries they will eventually show some
appreciation
To exhibit charisma you need to act in a way that makes people think that it would be a
good thing if you were in charge You must show the competence of a leader You want to
come across as strong decisive and a person others can rely on for guidance To do this create
a sense of constructive forward motion As a leader boss or manager express high
performance expectations of the people around you combined with confidence in their ability
to meet those expectations By having faith in others you build their confidence in themselves
and in you You want to send out indicators of alliance so people unconsciously assume that
you like them that you respect their opinion that you will include them and that you will back
them up when it counts
Did you know that psychologists generally consider optimism to be the key to charisma
Charisma is a set of nonverbal behaviors giving the impression that you have not only strength
but also a positive attitude It is a special mix of power and warmth that makes charismatic
people influential memorable persuasive and inspiring
Caring for Others Will Make You Happier
Moral integrity is key to happiness People who have ethical social habits are happier than
people who do not The first reason for this is that people are more likely to value you if they
see you as a good person Psychological research has found that the most important traits to
increase your likability are trustworthiness forthrightness warmth and kindness So choose
your words politely honor boundaries compromise show consideration admit when you are
wrong honor your word and show respect
Get over your issues Dont be petty or vain Dont seek attention Dont be racist or sexist
Never hate anyone Be a good sport and a good loser Dont say bad things behind peoples
backs Acknowledge other peoples contributions helpful advice and good decisions State
explicitly what they did to help you and how it helped Acknowledge peoples success no
matter how small and pay a compliment every time you notice something good Dont judge
people Be courteous Ask whether you can lend a hand Make an effort to be a friend
Remember that you must be a friend to have a friend
The second reason why moral integrity will make you happier is it stimulates an old part of
the brain responsible for tending and befriending All mammalian brains have a care and
nurturance system This system initiates instinctual behaviors meant to take care of the young
In female rats stimulation of this area promotes nest building licking grooming archedback
nursing hovering over pups and gathering those that stray from the nest Caring for young is as
vital to reproductive success as obtaining food and sex This is why it has similarly strong
connections to the brains pleasure systems In other words instead of using food and sex to
make yourself feel better use nurturance
When you care for others you activate this brain system along with the related reward
pathways This is why nurturing others naturally produces endorphins Helping others has been
shown to protect against the harmful effects of life trauma Volunteering after a natural
disaster protecting others during an attack caretaking community service and becoming a
peer counselor have all been shown to reduce stress It quiets the amygdala and decreases
inflammation It is sometimes called the helpers high People who volunteer in any capacity
Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness
have lower rates of heart disease and stroke lower mortality risk less depression and an
increased sense of purpose Activating the brains nurturance system also subdues the defeat
response because they are inherently incompatible Be a good kind person the best person
you can be Dig up all the good that you want in your life from within your own heart
Practice Being Pure of Heart
Being pure of heart has a reciprocal relationship with being free of nasty thoughts Seeing
yourself as wholesome and virtuous is the quickest route to becoming free from negative
rumination Repeatedly ask yourself whether your actions are noble and pure Holding yourself
to high standards sounds like an adult burden but will make you a kid at heart
Goku from the original Dragon Ball comic and TV show is a small naive child who doesnt
have a bad bone in his body He has a trusty cloud Flying Nimbus that he rides like a magic
carpet Only people who are pure of heart can ride the cloud Billy Batson is another small boy
this time from the world of DC comics whose purity allows him to take on the mantle of the
superhero Shazam Thor from the Marvel universe has worthiness that enables him to lift
Mijolnir his enchanted hammer have asked myself on many occasions Would be able to
ride that cloud don that cape or lift that hammer Would you
Let us practice indiscriminate and promiscuous kindness Let us do this not to be rewarded
but because it is the right thing like the saying that tells us Love the one that you are with