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bristling response is to savor it when it happens to you Savoring a sensation in this way is often |
called sensate focus Focus on extending the feeling and pass your hand over the gooseflesh |
to heighten the sensation Like all positive feelings and emotions every time you get |
goosebumps relish the feeling and prepare yourself to welcome its return |
Concluding Activity Awaken to the Pleasure in Your Body |
Scientists recognize multiple painkilling substances that are produced naturally within the |
body endorphins enkephalins endocannabinoids endogenous morphine and others Each |
are being released more or less all the time They have powerful analgesic effects blocking |
the communication of pain signals If you pay careful attention you can feel their effects |
Too often we look for the pain Instead look for the pleasure |
There is bliss to be found in everything you do Every breath every heartbeat every quiver of |
every muscle holds a small amount of gratification You can magnify these pleasures just by |
paying attention to them Most people know to look for the pleasure after they use alcohol |
They ask themselves Wait just had a drink am supposed to feel euphoric where is that |
feeling in my body Oh there it is That same feeling is constantly being generated within us |
all the time just at a smaller scale All we need to do is sensitize ourselves to it Im still not |
good at it yet but believe we can all build this skill As often as you can remain open to |
and delight in the sensations involved in your bodys natural production of pleasure |
wish had a more reliable method of activating and strengthening the pleasure response |
because believe it is very positive But can report that the frisson response is much more |
frequent in my life since have been using the Program Peace exercises believe that the |
improvements that antirigidity has made to my posture played a large role As your confidence |
increases your charisma will start to give you goosebumps |
You Have Everything It Takes to Be Charismatic |
want you to develop charisma in the same way that you developed your dancing abilities in |
the section above In other words practice it under relaxed conditions hitting all the beats |
without stopping Assert your opinions in front of others with conviction and panache |
and keep them rolling at a sustainable pace This will unshackle you from all the bracing |
patterns that typically bar you from doing it fluidly |
To master charisma you need to indulge in a little showmanship You can never be the life |
of the party until you start trying Hazard risks with a takecharge demeanor Be fully present |
when speaking to people Give them your full attention and expect theirs Dont try too hard |
to impress people Instead focus on impressing yourself Let your style and positivity make |
them want to impress you Think of your social abilities as inexhaustible Imagine that they |
replenish infinitely |
When you deliver a line or story and you feel like it fell flat dont let that get you down |
Often listeners just dont know what to say in response Dont let their silence take away your |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
momentum If you keep hitting them with smooth deliveries they will eventually show some |
appreciation |
To exhibit charisma you need to act in a way that makes people think that it would be a |
good thing if you were in charge You must show the competence of a leader You want to |
come across as strong decisive and a person others can rely on for guidance To do this create |
a sense of constructive forward motion As a leader boss or manager express high |
performance expectations of the people around you combined with confidence in their ability |
to meet those expectations By having faith in others you build their confidence in themselves |
and in you You want to send out indicators of alliance so people unconsciously assume that |
you like them that you respect their opinion that you will include them and that you will back |
them up when it counts |
Did you know that psychologists generally consider optimism to be the key to charisma |
Charisma is a set of nonverbal behaviors giving the impression that you have not only strength |
but also a positive attitude It is a special mix of power and warmth that makes charismatic |
people influential memorable persuasive and inspiring |
Caring for Others Will Make You Happier |
Moral integrity is key to happiness People who have ethical social habits are happier than |
people who do not The first reason for this is that people are more likely to value you if they |
see you as a good person Psychological research has found that the most important traits to |
increase your likability are trustworthiness forthrightness warmth and kindness So choose |
your words politely honor boundaries compromise show consideration admit when you are |
wrong honor your word and show respect |
Get over your issues Dont be petty or vain Dont seek attention Dont be racist or sexist |
Never hate anyone Be a good sport and a good loser Dont say bad things behind peoples |
backs Acknowledge other peoples contributions helpful advice and good decisions State |
explicitly what they did to help you and how it helped Acknowledge peoples success no |
matter how small and pay a compliment every time you notice something good Dont judge |
people Be courteous Ask whether you can lend a hand Make an effort to be a friend |
Remember that you must be a friend to have a friend |
The second reason why moral integrity will make you happier is it stimulates an old part of |
the brain responsible for tending and befriending All mammalian brains have a care and |
nurturance system This system initiates instinctual behaviors meant to take care of the young |
In female rats stimulation of this area promotes nest building licking grooming archedback |
nursing hovering over pups and gathering those that stray from the nest Caring for young is as |
vital to reproductive success as obtaining food and sex This is why it has similarly strong |
connections to the brains pleasure systems In other words instead of using food and sex to |
make yourself feel better use nurturance |
When you care for others you activate this brain system along with the related reward |
pathways This is why nurturing others naturally produces endorphins Helping others has been |
shown to protect against the harmful effects of life trauma Volunteering after a natural |
disaster protecting others during an attack caretaking community service and becoming a |
peer counselor have all been shown to reduce stress It quiets the amygdala and decreases |
inflammation It is sometimes called the helpers high People who volunteer in any capacity |
Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness |
have lower rates of heart disease and stroke lower mortality risk less depression and an |
increased sense of purpose Activating the brains nurturance system also subdues the defeat |
response because they are inherently incompatible Be a good kind person the best person |
you can be Dig up all the good that you want in your life from within your own heart |
Practice Being Pure of Heart |
Being pure of heart has a reciprocal relationship with being free of nasty thoughts Seeing |
yourself as wholesome and virtuous is the quickest route to becoming free from negative |
rumination Repeatedly ask yourself whether your actions are noble and pure Holding yourself |
to high standards sounds like an adult burden but will make you a kid at heart |
Goku from the original Dragon Ball comic and TV show is a small naive child who doesnt |
have a bad bone in his body He has a trusty cloud Flying Nimbus that he rides like a magic |
carpet Only people who are pure of heart can ride the cloud Billy Batson is another small boy |
this time from the world of DC comics whose purity allows him to take on the mantle of the |
superhero Shazam Thor from the Marvel universe has worthiness that enables him to lift |
Mijolnir his enchanted hammer have asked myself on many occasions Would be able to |
ride that cloud don that cape or lift that hammer Would you |
Let us practice indiscriminate and promiscuous kindness Let us do this not to be rewarded |
but because it is the right thing like the saying that tells us Love the one that you are with |
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