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blog30407 | Not only am I anxious to see it done, I want my kitchen back. I can't go another day eating fast food. Even that Wendy's salad was a bit of a problem. | blog |
blog30407 | It's just been driving me this week, I really really want to sit down and eat a LOT. In one sitting. | blog |
blog30407 | I dunno, it just didn't engage me. I'd like to go back some time when they're doing drama. | blog |
blog30407 | So I'm looking to lose 110 pounds, maybe 125 pounds. That sounds so crazy! | blog |
blog30407 | I think my body looks a bit different. Unfortunately, not in a good way, which is what tells me I need to lift weights more. | blog |
blog30407 | Had two aspirin before bed last night, and two more around 4 a.m., and they didn't put a dent in it. Two more after breakfast today, and now it's down to tolerable. | blog |
blog30407 | I keep trying to remember if I didn't eat more than that, but I can't think of anything. Excellent. Also managed another 10 minutes on the glider in the afternoon. | blog |
blog30407 | Saturday, Day Six. Can you believe it? | blog |
blog30407 | 10:53 a.m. Ha ha, the power is still on. I've got everything done except the cooking, which is in progress. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:58 a.m. Did 20 minutes of Cindy Crawford, and then 10 minutes of glider. That's all I could manage! | blog |
blog30407 | 5:00 p.m. We planned on more snorkeling when we got back to Te Tiare, but saw that my back is far too sunburned. Damn! Now we're relaxing on the deck while the beer gets cold. The fridge isn't all that frigid. My feet are doing much better. | blog |
blog30407 | Yesterday had much better numbers. I'm thrilled to be below 2k ! | blog |
blog30407 | I have some thoughts about it that I will get to later. It's pretty good, but apparently I have some sort of limited attention span, or movies tend to get dull and meandering about 3/4 of the way through. | blog |
blog30407 | So my point is, if my current "diet" calories per day is higher than the standard, it shouldn't make any difference so long as it's 500 calories less than the amount I was eating to maintain my weight. And it damn sure is. | blog |
blog30407 | At least, I know I LOOK as fat to other people, but they don't seem to treat me like I'm fat. I don't ACT fat. | blog |
blog30407 | That's a bit difficult, because it's fairly high in calories, so I'll just have to work with portion control. Make a lot of side vegetables with it. | blog |
blog30407 | I wanted to limit this to fiction, to novel-length writing, and that also threw me for a loop a few times. I realized I couldn't include Walden or Up From Slavery. Likewise O'Henry, Tillie Olsen, and Truman Capote, whose writings are short stories -- at least, of those I've read. I love Tolstoy's short stories, but couldn't make it through War and Peace if you paid me, so he's out. I've allowed it in a few instances (Kipling, Bradbury) when the collection has a common theme or thread that unifies the stories. | blog |
blog30407 | Not a good one, I don't have enough energy today. Perhaps from how little I ate yesterday! | blog |
blog30407 | I have a GIANT bruise on my arm this morning. A little souvenir. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't know if that's true, that a person would need extra food or rest, but I'm going to allow myself the excuse and treat it as a legitimate reason. And, I didn't have some kind of major pig-out yesterday, it's still a normal amount of food to eat, it's just not within my goal numbers. | blog |
blog30407 | I really don't know how to count that, the coffee itself has no calories, but she put a shot of liquor in it, and some whipped cream on top. But the whipped cream was from a can, so it has a lot of air in it. So, whatever, I made a blind guess. | blog |
blog30407 | 7:02 p.m. Delicious dinner of shrimp salad and steak fries. Drank my quota of water for the first time! | blog |
blog30407 | I'm obviously retaining water today, my face is all puffy, and it's 2-3 days into my period, not the right time for that. Also I want to note that sanding the floor was a significant amount of exercise. Sure, it was all upper body, but I was sweating and my heart rate was up. So it counts. | blog |
blog30407 | Now it's a matter of finessing the 1/4" top layer -- a lot of sanding and chiseling to make it level with the existing floor. Oh, we're so close, so close. | blog |
blog30407 | Although - I have to admit this hasn't been too bad. A couple days where it really grinds, but for the most part I am eating plenty of good food, and starting to adapt to this as "normal." | blog |
blog30407 | I went out with Daisy yesterday and ate a salad. Didn't get the greasy appetizer, wasn't even tempted. That's progress, I just reread my previous entry about going to the same place with her and it was a major victory for me that I didn't eat all the greasy appetizer nor all the salad. And it WAS a major victory, it's just great that now I can handle that kind of thing without problem. | blog |
blog30407 | I almost feel like I'm not doing enough, because really I've had good meals and little hunger. It doesn't feel like a "diet." | blog |
blog30407 | 7:33 p.m. Home from the wine tasting. The vineyard wasn't notable, but we bought two cheap bottles from the general stock. Not much in the house to eat, I guess I'd better shop soon, or cook so we have leftovers. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm setting up my [offline] chart to start tracking exercise. Whenever I figure out my basal metabolism, then I'll start subtracting my exercise from it. | blog |
blog30407 | Just finished giant lunch of pork rib and black bean salad. Heaven. | blog |
blog30407 | I got some of the office sorted out and packed up. We just have too damned much stuff. I mean, dammit. | blog |
blog30407 | George R. R. Martin | blog |
blog30407 | Not sure I'm going to the art museum today. I kind of don't feel like it, even after being cooped up in the house so long. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:51 a.m. 40 minutes. Can I stand another 20? | blog |
blog30407 | Then it will be Monday, and Bucko will go back to work, and we'll have stuff strewn all over the house and no moldings or baseboards in the kitchen. See, home improvement projects ARE fun. | blog |
blog30407 | So that was okay, I had potatoes and cauliflower with it, and it let me have only the one useless piece of pizza at the game. And I completely resisted the free ice cream. The game turned out to be quite fun and I'm glad we went. We had quite a little walk from the car to the stadium, and I loved it! | blog |
blog30407 | Perhaps tomorrow I will start doing that from the beginning, the alternating. Also I am carrying the timer with me. I'm on my third glass of water. Yay. Today, I am going to clean up my "studio." | blog |
blog30407 | It makes me a little nervous to not do an hour of gliding, but I can't manage it after weights. And I can't ignore that it's important I do weight training. | blog |
blog30407 | I am 2,511 calories over the goal for tppw. Therefore, I should have lost one pound, with 989 calories left over, which in a laboratory setting would equal another .28 of a pound. | blog |
blog30407 | That's bad. But I caught myself, and managed to put the food back (it's really hard to set down food once you've picked it up and especially if you've had a bite). A narrow escape. | blog |
blog30407 | We went out at 11:30 ish, so I brought along a tomato and an apple, so I wouldn't be tempted to eat a fast-food lunch. Or even a restaurant lunch for that matter, because that's going to be pretty big calories. And I'll be damned if I'm going to pay a restaurant price for a green salad, I can make that at home. | blog |
blog30407 | Here is a post about Syndrome X and PCOS. http://skinnydaily.blogspot.com/2003_03_19_skinnydaily_archive.html | blog |
blog30407 | Anyway, I was thrilled to see that I fit into all 22s, and they were slightly large. Not large enough to go down to a 20, but still. Man, I can't wait until I get to 18. That will be a major milestone, to be in the teens. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't understand much of the French at all, not a good omen. Had several glasses of wine, along with the quite good dinner it's done wonders to revive my spirits. Bucko also is much happier. The flight attendants are dressed in pretty, brightly colored dresses, and they are curvalicious and beautiful. | blog |
blog30407 | I am going to miss writing in here. Hopefully I'll be too busy having fun to think much about it. Bye bye journal, hello Tahiti! | blog |
blog30407 | Bucko brought home a Wendy's salad for me, AND french fries. I ate FOUR fries. | blog |
blog30407 | I guess this was the Blade Runner of its day -- it's useful to watch with your finger on the rewind button. It's a suspense/mystery story by Dashiell Hammett, and the plot can be understood on several levels. | blog |
blog30407 | For instance, I haven't touched butter once since then. I haven't eaten any ice cream or Goodberry's. | blog |
blog30407 | Although, here is some good news: yesterday I thought the Measurement Shorts were about a quarter-inch or half-inch closer to buttoning. So that should also lay to rest my doubts about whether I am still losing weight. I am, just slowly. And not where I want it the most, around my waist. | blog |
blog30407 | The cheese is gone, the ice cream sandwiches, that kind of stuff. The tortilla chips are still here, but that's not a major temptation to me. After watching Chocolat today, I could definitely go for some good quality chocolate! | blog |
blog30407 | I hope after a good night's sleep tonight I will feel more energetic tomorrow. I did my Monday measurements today, since I was traveling on Monday, and the results are erratic. Gain in some places, loss in others. Phooey. | blog |
blog30407 | I can get them on Amazon for $7, but I'd rather buy a used one for $3 and no shipping. Although - Lucy's is pretty much all romances these days, which is why I started shopping at Amazon in the first place. I got tired of waiting and hoping for something good to come in. So we'll see. | blog |
blog30407 | I guess I have to blame the chocolate; I haven't eaten anything else unusual today or yesterday. Boy! | blog |
blog30407 | I would like to belly dance in public. Professionally, I mean, like at a restaurant, or along those lines. I guess more than just once, but it doesn't have to be a career. But I'd like to a) learn to belly dance well enough to do it, and b) lose enough weight to feel okay doing it. | blog |
blog30407 | However, I am glad that my numbers weren't too bad yesterday. I decided to eat the rib after all. It's okay to eat it for dinner, after all that's what I had for dinner two days ago, I just didn't want to eat it in a weird emotional storm. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm really happy about how much weight I've lost. Just the fact that I've lost ANY at all is miraculous to me, but at the same time I'm a bit depressed about how long it's taking. | blog |
blog30407 | 2:22 p.m. I have been in a two-hour conference call and I am exhausted! And cold and hungry. | blog |
blog30407 | 2. I need to reward myself for my efforts. | blog |
blog30407 | Some leftover peas and corn. Nothing exciting, but it's only 2 p.m. and I'm up to 857 calories already. Grr. | blog |
blog30407 | I'd much rather just have a candy bar. So anyway, I was apparently reaching for that rib to have a pleasant experience to counteract the unpleasant one. | blog |
blog30407 | 3:39 p.m. Yay, I managed to do a little glider. It was hard to get motivated, but thinking about how I look in those photos helped. I don't like the self-loathing implied there, but at least I don't feel desperate or sickened. I think it was just a cause-and-effect reaction: I saw that I am too fat, so I exercised. I'm also eating well and drinking water. | blog |
blog30407 | 8:09 p.m. Hah! Unbelievably, I managed a mere 1240 calories today, for a week's total of 12,254!! | blog |
blog30407 | That will cut another 400 to 1000 calories from my weekly total. I like the way I'm treating this as an exact science, even though I don't actually know a) how much I weigh, b) how many calories I used to eat, c) how many calories I should eat, d) how many calories I'm burning in exercise, and e) my ass from a hole in the ground. | blog |
blog30407 | Well, okay, it's presumptuous of me to make the comparison, since I've only just started losing weight and no one has declared me funny or likable. But I completely understand where Frances is coming from, as described by Ju-Ju. I don't use the cynical humor as a defense, as pop-psychology would insist. | blog |
blog30407 | I remembered a carrot from yesterday, and had to go put it into the chart. Only 30 calories, but still, I don't like how my numbers crept up yesterday. | blog |
blog30407 | OK. 60 minutes. I'm beat. | blog |
blog30407 | The eggs aren't as bad as I thought they would be, so that will be a treat -- haven't had eggs since Christmas. I'm hoping to leave room for one or two drinks, we'll see. | blog |
blog30407 | If there's a choice of salad bar or genuine Polynesian pig roast for dinner, I'll take the pig roast. And I'm going to try to walk every day. Deliberate walking, not the meandering through town type. | blog |
blog30407 | When we got back to the dock, the hotel boat was broken, and we had to wait for them to arrange another. As with all the towns so far, the waterfront at night is filled with kids goofing around and riding bikes. The boat arrived in about 20 or 30 minutes. It was tiny, but very fast. | blog |
blog30407 | I restrained myself heavily with the stir fry. No more pasta, ever. Never. | blog |
blog30407 | Scarcity increases value. So when I could drink only a couple times a week, I overdrank. I dunno, it's some kind of weird mental thing. | blog |
blog30407 | I had a really hard time not snacking yesterday. Look how high my calories are, for a non-drinking day. I even ate pretzels. Fortunately, I just took a very small handful out of the bag, put the bag away, then sat down to eat them. I think it's 90% boredom and maybe 10% undereating (considering all the exercise). | blog |
blog30407 | 4:47 p.m. Got in another 36 minutes and 200 calories on the glider. Yay. | blog |
blog30407 | I write about the dieting more because I hate it more. And it lasts all day long, every day. | blog |
blog30407 | I might put a can of tomatoes in the bean salad, but I drained the liquid out. So how much of a can is left? | blog |
blog30407 | There's enough ribs left for another meal, I have 2/3 of a quiznoids sandwich, there's a large package of chicken drumsticks, and we have a TON of frozen vegetables. Also several veggie burritos I made last week for Bucko's lunch. | blog |
blog30407 | Just remember this, to tide you along: today you pulled your pants all the way down without unbuttoning them. Yes. | blog |
blog30407 | Not sure about the seltzer water. I don't have a headache today, but I had a bit of one late last night. Of course, that could have been the wine! | blog |
blog30407 | I can't sleep on my back, because my throat closes and I can't breath. I haven't been able to sleep on my stomach for a long time, because it hurts. Presumably putting too much pressure on something. I wake up with my neck, shoulders, and upper back burning. | blog |
blog30407 | Have to be chill about that. There's plenty of food in the world, and I'm going to have delicious meals. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm not keen on Asheville, the one table I have up there hasn't sold. Not to mention the prices are quite low. | blog |
blog30407 | 4:50 p.m. It's also a day for throwing in the towel at the appropriate moment, getting dressed in my jammies, starting a fire in the fireplace, and drinking wine until Bucko comes home, when he will fill my head with unwanted but unavoidable details about edit systems, firewires, and so on. How cozy. | blog |
blog30407 | Right now I'm at 1390 calories. That's very good. | blog |
blog30407 | All water, no chicken, soggy white rice. Bah. | blog |
blog30407 | We have a winter storm warning today AND tomorrow. This has been the worst winter since we've lived here. We've had a couple bigger storms, but never so MANY storms. | blog |
blog30407 | My whole body is sore, and my knees in particular are suffering. Not just from the getting up and down, but the kneeling on them. Also my wrists and fingers, from cutting and holding myself up on one hand while kneeling. | blog |
blog30407 | I want to drink 80 ounces a day. That's ten eight-ounce glasses. | blog |
blog30407 | 10:38 Finished out the hour. My legs are like jelly. Or possibly pudding. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was RAVENOUS. Not like peckish or bored-hungry, but seriously starved and drained of energy. | blog |
blog30407 | I haven't seen them for a while, so they could see the big change in me. Which, by the way, so can I, because we looked at some video Bucko shot back in November, and I couldn't BELIEVE how fat I was. OH. MY. GOD. | blog |
blog30407 | Has anyone noticed how obsessed I am with Daisy? I know, it's no big secret, she's totally my boyfriend. Or possibly girlfriend. (No, I'm just kidding, we're both straight.) | blog |
blog30407 | In other positive news, the kitchen is almost back together. We had an issue with the refrigerator water line leaking, so that delayed us a bit. | blog |
blog30407 | And today we are loading the truck and hauling our crap to the dump, so I'll be doing it on 4 hours of sleep. Bah! | blog |
blog30407 | 11:18 a.m. Okay, I am just killing time until Daisy calls. I decided to get dressed up, since she's probably in her interview clothes, and I found that the Flintstones Dress is too big. | blog |
blog30407 | The thing is, when you're dieting and exercising to lose weight, you have to be really focused and establish strong habits. You can't let yourself off the hook, you have to make sure you don't allow any exceptions. | blog |
blog30407 | That's what a driver's license is. I have the RIGHT to expect you to behave within those constraints, and thus predictably, for my own safety. I have NOT made an exception for you, no matter how "good" a driver you think you are. | blog |
blog30407 | 10:20 a.m. I finally did some SensibleGym! | blog |
blog30407 | Bucko is upstairs working out, and I am so happy. Not only do I get to use the Mac, but I am thrilled he is exercising. As fat as I am, I'm starting to be more concerned about his health. He is just so sedentary. | blog |
blog30407 | Here's an exercise from the SDP that I'm going to do, only rephrase it in the positive: she says to list all the things you can't/won't do because of your weight. As a motivator to stay on plan. Only I'm going to list the things I'll be able to do when I lose weight. Which might also inspire me to do some of them now. | blog |
blog30407 | Five pounds in two weeks, yes I can handle that. That's a livable rate, enough progress to keep me motivated. Two pounds? Eh. That's the size of a large bowel movement. | blog |
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