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blog30407 | 7:59 a.m. Gross, it is snowing! | blog |
blog30407 | Let's discuss that later. For now, what about goals and rewards? | blog |
blog30407 | I'm going to try really hard to take my "before" picture today. Sigh. | blog |
blog30407 | So far I've handled it pretty well by eating things like celery, pickles, lettuce, but not always. A few times cheese has snuck in there, Ritz crackers, etc. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm also two days away from remeasuring my various parts with the tape measure. Hoping to see progress there. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm wondering where it came from, and it occurs to me that probably in earlier eras, when plentiful and nutritious food was harder to come by, maybe fatness was seen as a positive, an asset. Maybe fat people were assumed to be jolly because they were in fact happy. They had attained an enviable degree of material success, and the evidence of it (the weight) was not despised either as a symbol or as itself. What's not to be jolly about? | blog |
blog30407 | Still, I don't think I've lost any more weight since about Week 5! Nothing has become any looser since then. | blog |
blog30407 | It's nothing but weight-loss stories, and they send a lot of messages I don't like. They're forever saying things like "Tracy wanted a new hairstyle to match her new life," and "Now Rhonda could let her real self shine." | blog |
blog30407 | Movies that I consider to be nearly perfect. They're so well acted, or so intense, or so funny, that they shouldn't be missed. They're from different genres, and frequently they | blog |
blog30407 | I don't remember having a reaction to chocolate like this in the past, it must be from removing it from my diet for so long. I'm not used to it anymore. | blog |
blog30407 | I really can't wear it. Hah! | blog |
blog30407 | And I can tell you, cheese is not worth it. Over a hundred calories for an ounce! | blog |
blog30407 | Had a rather rich lunch, with the porkloin and all. Delicious though. | blog |
blog30407 | p.s. Rent the DVD when you can, and always rent the letter-boxed version. And watch the movie without other distractions. I don't care how good a movie is, if you watch it with commercial interruptions and phone calls and people talking, it's just not going to be the same experience. | blog |
blog30407 | My off-the-cuff answer is that it's numbing me, making me not feel inadequate or useless or a loser. It's a happy pill. And face it, I've been pretty miserable for most of my life. | blog |
blog30407 | You can eat a MUCH larger volume of food with fresh vegetables, and it's so much more delicious. Of course, I have the time to shop and cook right now, and it's nearly impossible to eat healthy when you're working full time, so I guess there's a place for these things. | blog |
blog30407 | 3. I must drink more water. | blog |
blog30407 | Which is good, because it's not like this is ever going to be over. I can't go back to eating as much as I used to. | blog |
blog30407 | How about: when I make the Pants, I buy myself about $50-60 of books on Amazon? THAT I would love. | blog |
blog30407 | That is, I know I woke up a few times, but only for a couple seconds. That's phenomenal for me. I'm glad I started tracking how I feel each morning, because hopefully if there's a pattern to my good/bad times, I'll be able to look at the previous day's entry and see if there's anything that might be a factor. | blog |
blog30407 | I need to do this slightly more than four times. Which will take me approximately 14 months. Yikes! | blog |
blog30407 | This seems to be an exercise in faith for me. I'm going to simply believe that it's working. | blog |
blog30407 | I think I can live with it, though. Suppose I can lose weight on this amount; for a maintenance diet what if I eat the same, but one day a week I have pizza or dinner out? | blog |
blog30407 | I am ECSTATIC. There can be absolutely no doubt that I've lost weight. It's irrrefutable. | blog |
blog30407 | That's almost impossible to find, apparently the ideas are mutually exclusive in most people's minds. But I have to credit the NAAFA board, that's where I first heard about Poundy. Someone posted with that very request, and someone else suggested her site. | blog |
blog30407 | Damn, I don't want to be clingy, but somehow she's my only friend. Which can't be good, but I like her so much better than anyone else that when I'm with other people I want to be with her. I think she's my boyfriend. | blog |
blog30407 | Made some progress on my studio. I got a little sidetracked in that I decided to paint the shelves in the closet, which makes it hard to clean up, because everything on the shelves has to come out of the closet. | blog |
blog30407 | I mean, suppose I was eating 5000 calories a day, and maintaining my weight. Then I cut by 500 a day for a total of 4500 calories a day. I should then lose a pound a week, even at an outrageous 4500 calories. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm going to cook some chicken now, for lunch and for Bucko's burritos, and then I'll have to face the music and deal with work. Yuck. These people are so damned annoying. I want a job where I just do my thing, and people either buy it or don't buy it. Which points to the furniture more than the murals. | blog |
blog30407 | With women it's very hard to tell what they're really eating. There's those bird-like little things that have one piece of toast for breakfast and an apple and a string cheese for lunch. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm doing a little minor formatting to the [offline] journal. Adding the date/week in the header. | blog |
blog30407 | Here's something else I just realized -- I have to engage in deliberate, healthy snacking. There's no doubt that 5 or 6 small meals is a much healthier, fat-loss-promoting way to eat. | blog |
blog30407 | 6:22 p.m. Having pizza tonight!!! Can't wait. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't have to keep eating just because it's good. I mean, chicken isn't THAT good. | blog |
blog30407 | I decided to try on some houndstooth dress pants that I haven't worn in several months because I could barely barely button them, and guess what -- I can button them. They're still a little tight to wear except with a long shirt, but there is obvious progress. I thought it would be good to have a secondary pair of measurement pants, but they're not going to work. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm hungry in the morning, but my taste buds aren't really awake, it's the least important meal to me emotionally. I'm just starting to get tired of soup, so when I go shopping I'll look for some different kinds, and damn the cost. | blog |
blog30407 | Unbelievable!! | blog |
blog30407 | I'm ready for it to wrap up. Maybe some movies don't introduce enough new plot or action in the last half, so I get impatient for something to happen. But not a major criticism, I'm enjoying it. | blog |
blog30407 | I mean, one isn't required to fit into a behavior pattern, but being able to willfully and deliberately reject a role is different from never having had the opportunity to try out the role for size. I know my non-girliness as a teenager had EVERYTHING to do with being fat. | blog |
blog30407 | Am glad to see that I am generally overestimating what my portions are. When I figure I put a tablespoon of butter into something, it's more likely a teaspoon. Good news. | blog |
blog30407 | I think each of these sizes represents about ten or twelve pounds. And no, I'm not all that clothing-oriented, it's just that I can't think of what else I might want. | blog |
blog30407 | Let's just continue with that line of thinking right now and try to make some progress here. Part of it, I think, is that I CAN drink more without it affecting me as it used to. Weight and age are probably the culprits there. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm glad to have done it -- it kept me from getting too squirrelly, kept me from snacking, and will compensate somewhat for the drinks and possibly sushi I plan on having tonight. I don't feel nearly so hungry, either. And I want to point out that it's almost 5:00 on a drinking night, and I haven't drank yet. Which is good. | blog |
blog30407 | The carrots are pretty high in fiber for the calories, so maybe I'll eat those more frequently. Also beans and nuts. | blog |
blog30407 | Just did another 38 minutes on the glider, bringing my calories burned to 500. Well, counting Cindy Crawford, it's 718 today. | blog |
blog30407 | In other good news, I am wearing my wedding ring again. Not the original one, but the larger one. | blog |
blog30407 | Had a couple three lettuce wraps with hummus and cherry tomatoes. Not bad, but not enough food for sure. I'm going to let it digest a little bit and drink some water, and then I'll see what else to eat. | blog |
blog30407 | At least I'm feeling better today. More optimistic. | blog |
blog30407 | So 213 total. Take off a smoosh for the "not quite" three ounces, and you get a nice round 200 cals. That's what I'm going with. | blog |
blog30407 | I won't buy into self-loathing. Can a person be seriously interested - and dedicated - to losing weight without hating herself? | blog |
blog30407 | Put the chicken and sweet potatoes in the oven and did 30 minutes on the glider. Rubber legs. | blog |
blog30407 | 1. I am being brutally honest with my food intake, and also simply accepting the fact that I will have to eat less to lose weight. In previous attempts, it's not so much that I swept a lot of hidden calories under the carpet, but I really felt I wasn't eating too much, so I wasn't terribly concerned about a few calories here and there falling off the record. | blog |
blog30407 | Also hungry, so I'm drinking a glass of water to try to push lunch at least until noon. Speaking of water, I have peed at least eight times already this morning. Something I ate or drank yesterday must be causing it. Maybe the actifed. | blog |
blog30407 | I slept like hell last night (too much wine and salty food) so I am going to be hard put to exercise today. Maybe I'll do the 10 minute increments. I don't think I have the strength to do an hour straight. My eyes are dry and my muscles are burning just from sitting upright. | blog |
blog30407 | Not sure that will work, though. If I am able to lose two pounds in a week, it won't even show on me. I suspect I'll have to commit to a month before I see any results, and I'm not sure I can do that. | blog |
blog30407 | Another third of the sub and the rest of the delicious clam chowder, plus a very small glass of wine. Man, I really need to find something to do this afternoon, or I'll be wanting to snack again. | blog |
blog30407 | 25 minutes on the glider, and my feet are in agony. These new tennis shoes don't seem to be working out well. | blog |
blog30407 | I've decided to track my total minutes exercising for each week. I'm setting 300 minutes as my minimum goal. I'll total them up on Sundays, because I rarely exercise on weekends. I'm going to count only deliberate exercise, not incidental exercise. When I get back from vacation, I would like to weigh myself at the doctor's and get an official weight; recalculate my BMI and BMR; start counting my BMR calories and subtracting exercise from that figure. | blog |
blog30407 | Those are the only two I can get to work -- most of the pages seemed to be linked to some calculator or database that is malfunctioning. I keep getting 54545 as the answer. Seems unlikely. | blog |
blog30407 | I was watching that woman (country singer?) on Oprah having a trainer and chef figure out her diet plan, and for the first month they just wanted her to start exercising and get her metabolism up before she started dieting. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm 43 years old, and I'm tired of waiting for a dream to come true. It's up to me to make this happen. | blog |
blog30407 | And we were crazy enough to hope we could buy something smaller for LESS money. Not MORE money. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:30 a.m. Just did a stint on the glider and then immediately ate a second breakfast of salmon and snow peas. Which were supposed to be for my lunch. | blog |
blog30407 | On the other hand, and I have several hands to mention here, I'm adjusting pretty well to this amount of food, where it seems almost normal now, so perhaps I will dig up the wherewithal to cut down some more. My other-other hand is that I'm not entirely sure I believe their entries. | blog |
blog30407 | Had a little snack of cherry tomatoes. I looked up tomatoes again in the food counts book, and I think I've been overestimating significantly. I'm going to go with 11 calories for ten cherry tomatoes. | blog |
blog30407 | I feel kind of shaky. Can't drink the water because my stomach hurts. I've started feeling worse in the last few minutes, so I took a Gas-X in case that's the problem. I feel kind of like I want to throw up. | blog |
blog30407 | I didn't have anything to drink in the evening -- I mixed up a martini, then didn't want it, so Robert drank it. Hoping I will have a good end to my last week of Month Two. | blog |
blog30407 | My other observations are that Wal-Mart does not have enough plus size clothing, and that what they do have is ugly. Dress Barn has more, but it's still ugly. Why are the colors different than the regular size clothes? Funk dat. | blog |
blog30407 | I know that's silly, she's lived 32 years perfectly well without me. It's not that I want her dependent or clingy, I guess it just hurt my feelings (or maybe ego) a little. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:04 a.m. Finished 50 minutes on the glider. Got a higher calorie burn than yesterday; I'm not surprised if I was going faster. Yesterday was hard after the TotalGym. | blog |
blog30407 | So many things to do this weekend, I don't know where to start. Bucko's plan is to install the new kitchen faucet, and water the front lawn so the fertilizer can sink in a little. We also need to finish painting the wallpaper border in the office; put up the new border; paint the hallway, downstairs bathroom, and living room wall; paint the trim in ALL the rooms except the kitchen; go grocery shopping; balance the checkbook; get mini pine mcnuggets for the front walk area; arrange delivery of pinestraw for the entire yard; get some sort of edging to go around the mailbox area and also plant something there that might actually survive; drive around and find a new place to live. | blog |
blog30407 | The type of food I'm eating has had a big effect on my total calories for the day. Sometimes I eat a fairly large amount of food (volume wise) and I'm surprised that it comes out at 1300 or so calories. It's because the vegetables have so few calories compared to meat, and certainly a lot less than cheese or butter. | blog |
blog30407 | So I sat around eating celery and pickles and drinking wine, which made me too drunk and did not appease the hunger at all, until finally I was smart enough to have a little piece of salmon at 9:30, which of course disrupted my sleep and I stayed up too late, got up too late, and now feel kind of icky. And also stupid. | blog |
blog30407 | 6:30 a.m. Went to sleep pretty early last night. They had turned down the bed, located my robe and laid it across the bed, and put out slippers for us! | blog |
blog30407 | The good news is it's supposed to get above freezing tomorrow, so the damage will be limited. They will (should) be able to get the power back on faster than last time. | blog |
blog30407 | I need to defrost some meat for today. And figure out how to cook that spaghetti squash. That stuff is weird. | blog |
blog30407 | Less stress equals better hormone chemistry, which equals less retention of weight. Less stress equals greater ability to stay on a diet and exercise program. When you're super-stressed, it's just too much to add on deprivation and punishment, which is probably how I will always view diet and exercise. | blog |
blog30407 | So sadly, we ended up eating a lot of bread and cheese on the trip, and other carbohydrates, because that was the only food available/affordable much of the time. At our last stop on Bora Bora, we tended to eat breakfast at the hotel, where they had a large expensive buffet, so we ate as much as we could so that we could skip lunch and possibly eat a very very small dinner. | blog |
blog30407 | 4:00 a.m. Awake at 4, as always. Had a nice evening eating and drinking on our dock, then walked to the beach to see the stars. Fantastic. Even with the lights from the resort, they were so bright and so many compared to what we can see at home. | blog |
blog30407 | (I've been continuously negative about my chances of success, however.) Now I'm looking at it as a challenge, a sort of game: get the most nutritious food in the smallest amount of calories. | blog |
blog30407 | Those women look like Barbies. OK, so The Firm is out. | blog |
blog30407 | Who am I lying to? There's no one else involved in this besides me. | blog |
blog30407 | 10:11 a.m. Finished an hour of glider, and watched most of Chocolat. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't think I'm going to exercise this morning, I don't have time. Well, let me amend that to 10 minutes on the glider, which is better than nothing, but that might be all I get done today. | blog |
blog30407 | The exercise is a huge part of this, but all I chart and write about is the food. So my journal is not showing everything I am doing for this goal. It's just a way of involving myself with it more thoroughly, and having a positive number to report - where the bigger numbers are better. I hate that about dieting, it's a process of denying oneself something. That's not good psychologically. | blog |
blog30407 | Also, I have to remember I just tried them on 4 days ago. Somehow I thought it was over the weekend, but looking through my journal, it was on Wednesday. Therefore, Wednesday is now Measurement Pants day, not Sunday. | blog |
blog30407 | I have been able to SQUAT recently. Yesterday when I was leaving the post office, I dropped my keys on the ground. And I just squatted down and picked them up, and kept walking. I was in my car driving away before I realized what I had just done. | blog |
blog30407 | 11:12 a.m. Having myself a little glide. Bucko's working today at the Sheraton, god knows why. I'm a bit at loose ends, not sure what to do with myself. I've got the kitchen as far as I can take it, I can't figure out the dishwasher, so now I'm having a glide while I watch tv. | blog |
blog30407 | Day Four. New Year's Day. I'm at the half-way mark of the week. | blog |
blog30407 | The other six days vary; sometimes I'm higher than I like but still under the goal. It's just that one day I'm over, and so far it seems to be Friday. Hmm. | blog |
blog30407 | I need to get some more stuff into E. G. -- it's better than nothing. | blog |
blog30407 | Daisy had gone home and changed into casual clothes, so I didn't want to look like a dumbass being overdressed. Had a great time, but ate too much calorie-laden food. We went to Steak and Ale, which of course is very meat-and-potato intensive. | blog |
blog30407 | And in other weird news, I had two pieces of bacon for lunch. I wanted to get some bacon to have with our shrimp; one piece used to flavor it, split between the two of us, can't be too bad. And I was surprised that the calories are so low. Well, I thought, this isn't such a bad deal, I'll just have a couple pieces with lunch. That was before I cooked it; after I cooked it I wondered how 1.5 linear inches could possibly use up 80 calories. | blog |
blog30407 | And of course, I don't really know how much I've lost. Maybe it's MORE than 2 pounds a week. How could I tell, really? | blog |
blog30407 | Feeling OK this morning. I got up a little early, maybe, but I slept a lot better than the previous night. | blog |
blog30407 | The shrimp is such a good deal, diet-wise, I wish I could afford more. The best I ever see is $4.99 a pound, which will make two meals for both of us. | blog |
blog30407 | We are snowed in for today and possibly tomorrow, so Bucko has been using the computer a lot and it was driving me CRAZY that I couldn't get to my journal. I am seriously dependent on this thing. | blog |
blog30407 | In fact, I'm probably nearly at the second goal (size 22), depending on which pants I measure by. Next week I want to go to Walmart, and try on 24s and 22s of the jeans I bought recently -- the low riders or whatever they're called. | blog |
blog30407 | Like I'm thinking of browsing Barnes and Noble for a magazine I might want to subscribe to, but thinking of how it will take me 25 minutes to get there, so I'm thinking of other "chores" I can combine with the trip to make it worthwhile, and all of a sudden it's work and not a treat. Whatever, I will find some nice treat for myself. | blog |
blog30407 | I need a project to do. I haven't painted anything in forever, and I'm never happy when I'm not painting. | blog |
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