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Tense sneering blushing and crying facial
muscles
Relaxed sneering blushing and crying facial
muscles
Neck hunched
Neck straight
Head facing down
Head horizontal or up
Gluteus limp hips tilted forward genitals
retracted
Gluteus flexed hips neutral genitals thrust
forward
Middle back curved and tight
Middle back straight and relaxed
Shoulders raised
Shoulders down
Abdominals either flaccid or tense
Abdominals appropriately toned
Voice high soft and speaking quickly
Voice deep loud and commanding
Mumbling stuttering stammering
Articulating clearly and with conviction
Stilted halting body language
Free open body language
Body taking up as little space as possible
Body taking up as much space as possible
Table Submissive Displays vs Dominant Displays in Humans
We often refrain from using the dominant displays in Table above because they might
make people feel uncomfortable The more we suppress them the more our ability to use
dominant nonverbals withers away due to disuse This book will provide a thorough description
of healthy safe wellfunctioning use of dominant nonverbal behavior
How we carry ourselves has been molded by other peoples reactions to our posture
Hundreds of elements of our body language have individual learning histories and have been
either positively or negatively reinforced until they reached their current settings This
reinforcement is sometimes outright as when our parents tell us not to stare but is often
subtle as when peers ignore us until we take the bass out of our voice The people who
influence you to send them submissive signals may not be doing so because they dislike you It
may just be because they take it as flattery and dont want you to stop flattering them
Regardless you did not choose your current postural settings they were inadvertently chosen
throughout the trial and error of your social learning Most of them were selected during
Chapter Optimal Quality of Life Training
childhood and adolescence when you were surrounded by immature people and relatively
immature yourself
As you step out of your room get out of your car or walk into the grocery store you are
constantly trying to determine how you should hold your body You are gauging how much
impunity you can walk around with You unconsciously scan each area to see whether there is
anyone you will have to cower before This behavior traces back to experiences you had in
kindergarten Even in adulthood we relate to people as if they are about to physically attack us
We overcompensate by being chummy and compliant totally out of proportion with any
existing social threat This keeps us from being our authentic selves Prepare to leave all that in
the past and hold your body like there is nothing and no one to be afraid of
Use activities and below to get a sense of where you sit on this continuum between
the two extremes of submission and dominance in your neighborhood
Introductory Activity An Optimal Walk Around the Block
Take a walk around your block While doing so observe your use of submissive displays
Remember that the dacile you is not the real you It is a fake character you have come to play
to get along with people As you read through this book you are going to dismantle this role
and you can start now
Think about the behaviors in Table above and try to determine how submissive your
posture and body language are As you walk experiment with using dominant displays How
many of them can you use at the same time before you start to feel selfconscious
Introductory Activity An Invisible Walk Around the Block
Take another walk around the block but this time either put on a coat hat and sunglasses or
simply pretend that you are invisible Think No one can judge me because no one can see
me If you were truly invisible how would you comport yourself How would your body
language change During this exercise many people notice themselves using fewer
suboptimal displays What did you notice
In the past thought that interpreting social interactions in terms of status wasnt
productive or informative because the concepts of dominance and submission were pass This
proclamation of indifference toward the social hierarchy made me feel insightful and unique It
took time to realize that this stance was a play for status in itself
Most people publicly pretend that the status hierarchy doesnt exist and that there is
nothing submissive about them However many experts see dominance and submission as the
fundamental concepts in social science the same way mass and energy are the fundamental
concepts in physics They are also key concepts of most relationships including working
relationships in which individuals rely on one another to achieve their goals As such it is
crucial to identify and efficiently navigate dominance games This book is not trying to influence
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
you to think about status more than you already do It is meant to get you to think about it
and be negatively affected by it less
A Description of My Submissiveness
At this point it is helpful to use my history as an example From my teens through my twenties
hung out with a rough crowd A number of my friends were convicted criminals and former
gang members Several were brawny athletes while others were drug addicts enjoyed their
companionship but was unaware of the extent to which felt compelled to send them
subordination signals didnt realize it at the time but around them acted modestly at best
and timid at worst
Incarcerated people adopt exaggeratedly meek displays and carry these with them after
being released from jail Burly athletes commonly demand tribute from others in the form of
deferential body language Drug addicts exhibit some of the worst composure and breathing
habits of anyone Having these people as companions caused me to unknowingly amplify my
existing submissive signaling to prove that was an ally not a competitor often felt courteous
and gracious while sending these displays but even minuscule nonoptimal displays become
entrenched over the long term Moreover the more often you are submissive the more others
expect that behavior and the more likely they are to be offended when you try to switch to
more assertive behavior
Ilustration A Snarling dog B Subordinate wolf licking the dominant wolf
You may have experienced trying to become more confident and assertive only to face
social rejection Heres how it happened to me In my twenties tried to be more assertive at
work Away from my friends attempted to reduce my subordination signaling doing my best